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ARGY-BARGY

Jeeze Louise!
I swear the internet radio is out to get me, Friday night i was out at the bar looking at all the couples, thinking what a great thing i had once, my bartender Julie ask me three or four times “whats wrong with you” i was just in one of those reflective moods, i swear i just wish one day would pass i did not think about my X ! i think i must still be in love, i thought it was just, that id love him forever, but i dont want to be in love any more, i just cant find a way to turn it off! i guess that whole chemical responce thang takes longer than 3 years to wear off? ok so yesterday i turn on Pandora.com and the first song is Annie Lennox, “Train in Vain” then today it was Dido “Life for rent” Good gosh those songs sorta sum it up for me………..I mean i get hit on all the time, but once you taste the real thing, its hard to let go, and look beyond your own hurt, the love i felt/feel for my X, was is a sweet and sour mix , im not sure ill ever find that little perfect mix again, Hell im not even sure what i want, is it wrong to say i don’t want anything or anyone caring for me, because if no one cares, no one gets hurt. I must have hurt my X because we were totally honest or “i thought we were” for 7 years, and bam in one day we split, and have not talked or had any communication in over 2 years, well i take that back i sent an email a year ago and got a reply saying “hes not ready” well fuck that, selfish shit, suck it up i need closure! or a brick bat! my last email at the 2 year mark went unanswered…………..not sure i want to feel this crap again. But if i had it to do all over i would get on that bus, i think i may change a thing or two……..but over all i was in love with my Mind, Heart, Soul, Spirit, and Body, And thats just hard as hell to turn off. But now i know what it feels like so maybe if it eer comes along again i may just realize it, but with the “keep everyone at arms length” policy i have self imposed it may be a little difficult?
if anyone knows a trick let me know! No not that sort of trick, i tried that a few dozen times it don’t work, just proves what you had was worth soooooo much more that you realize until its gone.

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